[V.S Series] Salt V.S Columbiana

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Kiki: *walks out dressed in a catsuit* Uh huh, best believe I came prepared.

Cynthia: *bursts into laughter*…Kiki whats this now?

Kiki: Just leave me o…even if M.Y pleaded with me to be a good hostess and let it slide? Nope, not today. No pity…even if it’s a round with our dear guest blogger Cynthia, I shall take it P. No offence Cynthia.

Cynthia: *plays with pen-knife* I grew up on the streets of Columbia o. Don’t try me. Ma se pe fun e o 

Kiki: Before we go any further hun, I’ve got just one point that would make all-er-you  fall like a pack of cards. Evelyn Salt is Angelina Jolie. She even ‘kicked’ Tom Cruise’s ass in securing the leadrole in this one. Ha! ‘Nuff said *hands in the air*

Cynthia: *yimu* Ehen? Angelina Jolie? SO? Well, Cataleya Gestrepo (choi! Even her name sounds exotic) is none other than the hot hot hot half-Puerto Rican half-Dominican actress Zoe Saldana

Kiki: Ohhh…you wanna take this outside? Bring it on!

Cynthia: Oh, it’s on like Donkey Kong.

Terdoh: *rings bell* CAT-FIGHT!

Kiki: Meow!

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Combat/Training

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Kiki: The Soviet Union…doesn’t the sound of that just make you shiver? I mean, its the Russians we are talking about here.

Cynthia: I have only two words for you. Colombian Assassin. As in, Colombia the land of drug cartels and

Kiki: *pssh!* As I was saying, Salt is as cold as ice. Having her husband killed right before her without a flinch…now that’s rock-hard. Her training wasn’t just on the surface but deep within.

Cynthia: Ummm hello…Cataleya was nine years old when she heard/watched her parents being gunned down. Our ‘smallie’ then manages to escape the hired gunmen (With no previous training!!!!) and then swallow the computer chip for ‘safekeeping’. She didn’t shed one tear until she was safe in her uncle’s arms. Talk about a tough cookie! Top that! *tongue out*

Kiki: Fact is hun…she did shed a tear. Ironic…so damn-well trained by Orlov she ended his life. Haha! Talk about a student kicking her teacher’s behind.

Cynthia: Did you see Cataleya knock a man unconscious with just one swift kick? Just one! She proved to be as good with guns as she was with her feet.

Kiki: She dived into the Polomac River…dodging gun bullets as always. Quick one. How in the world did she get to shore? Oh yeah, that’s right. It’s Salt *shrug*

Then, she escaped from the CIA custody THRICE. She was definetly having fun getting caught just to give ’em a show with her means of escape. The babe jumped from one moving truck to another and from floor to floor in the elevator shaft-framework. And then my personal favorite, she hung from the stairwell balcony and strangled Winters to death with her handcuffs…now who would’ve thought of that?

Cynthia: Salt should dissolve in water shouldn’t it? Oh right, it’s Salt (all her stunts defy science or logic, smh!). And that truck jumping trick. chai! Tell me how she didn’t sustain some major injuries like cracked ribs for one.

Kiki: Haterrr! Even Officer Peabody (forgive me if you’re not familiar with the name) couldn’t deny the fact that only she could do what the CIA couldn’t…take down ALL (not some) the KA agents. The dude just had to let her go. No questions asked.

Cynthia: Oh Please!

 

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Intelligence

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Kiki: Why give yourself away EVERYTIME you do your dirty work? The Cataleya flower? Seriously Cataleya… *sigh* You should’ve at least picked a flower that didn’t have your name written on it. Say the ‘Hibiscus’ or something. Just saying

Cynthia: She was leaving a message for Don Luis, duh!. She wanted to be found. My babe was so smart at age nine she knew to swallow a chip to keep it safe. Cataleya was even able to outsmart the FBI, having stored weapons in another location in her condo. She used explosives to stall the FBI and escaped by entering an airvent located in the garage, Talk about flexibility!

Kiki: No matter how old it gets, the hair-dye disguise never fails. From blonde to jet black. Smart choice.

Cynthia: You wanna talk disguise? Cataleya went simple, She hid in plain sight! A wig, fingerprint masking gloves and a drunken persona was all she needed to fool the cops, get arrested and assassinate a high-priority prisoner. Why go as far as dye your hair mehn!

Kiki: You can’t argue that Evelyn’s a smooth operator. She got into the White House like she was the President of the United States herself…not even disguised as her gender. Salute!! Oya! Beat that.

Cynthia: The security at the White House was lousy jare. Again I repeat, Cataleya played the drunk so well I thought she was an alcoholic. That’s smooth acting if I ever saw one. She can even blend in with the sharks. She can even infiltrate via a shark pool. We call it swimming with the sharks>>>Boss!

Kiki: Even I can escape from prison. Such an amateur move *rme*

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Weapons/Gun Battle

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Kiki: *yawns* This battle just keeps getting easier for me. Like taking candy from a baby.

Alright C.Y. Go on, I give you the honors to go first on this one *smirks*

Cynthia: As Cataleya wasn’t trained by the CIA or to be a covert Russian sleeper cell, excuse her if she doesn’t perform impossible stunts or shoot impossible targets. My girl is a street kid through and through. Check out the Beretta PX4 with suppressor (a .45 ACP pistol) she uses to finish off Marco (It’s her personal gun by the way!). Or the Beretta 90-Two she uses in the final shootout with Marco. My girl likes Berettas and smart choice too! She can also handle a Glock 17, dual IMI mini Uzis with stock folded (a .45 ACP Calibre submachine gun/machine pistol), Heckler & Koch UMP45 (a .45 ACP calibre submachine gun), a M4 Carbine(14.5″ barreled select fire Assault Rifle….yup! She’s a small girl who likes big guns), a SIG SG 551 (a 14.3” assault rifle fitted with a quad rail, foregrip, and aimpoint sight), Heckler & Koch G36C (9” Assault rifle), a Blaser R93 Sniper Rifle which she uses when her apartment is being raided. Should I go on?

Kiki: Big guns. Hired assassins don’t need so many noisy toys to meet their targets darling. So may I begin? *clears throat*

The HK SP 89 machine gun. The SIG-Sauer P229 and the SIG-Sauer P232 pistol. The Beretta 92F pistol. The Glock 19 pistol. The Smith & Wesson M&P Compact. The MP5A. Did you notice how svelte they all sound?

Trust me, if there’s anything Evelyn’s good with its guns. You can’t deny that.  She hits her targets like a bullseye. Remember the Russian KA agents massacre? Yeah, ponder on that my friend.

Cynthia: Hisses. I rest my case

Kiki: Oh yeah, one more weapon to be added to the list. Handcuffs. Deuces.

Terdoh: You know there’s one woman that trumps both these femme fatales.

Cynthia and Kiki: Who?

Terdoh: Eve.

Cynthia and Kiki: What? How?

Terdoh: Well, she took out all of mankind with one bite. I don’t know if Cat-aliyah…

Cynthia: Cataleya..

Terdoh: …Or Pepper..

Kiki: Salt..

Terdoh: …can top that, but I’ll let you have your fight. Let the people decide though. Who’s the better agent?