M.Y: Hello our dear and beloved readers. We are gathered here today on the V.S series to put two power junkies up against each other. Oh Terdoh wassap? So how are we gonna go about this?
Terdoh: I’m gonna take the obvious choice here cos some of us like to win.
M.Y: So you’re trying to take Thor right?
Terdoh: Nah, nigga. I’m good with the god of superheroes, Superman. Hello?
M.Y: You are gonna loose.
Let me set the scene. Let’s say Loki attacks earth right, and then Thor comes in to save the day. Lois Lane is covering the whole event and somehow Thor thinks she is Loki in disguise….
Terdoh: Then Superman hearing the cry of his beloved comes to her rescue. Like an actual superhero…
M.Y: Oh Shattap please. Nice thinking anyways. There you have it folks, today on our V.S series, we got Superman V.S Thor.
M.Y: Based on swag alone, you know superman will lose this right?
Terdoh: By swag do you mean long blonde hair and baby blue eyes? Don’t piss me off. And they don’t win battles with swag, otherwise Gambit and Tony Stark would both be untouchable.
M.Y: You always do this. How did Gambit or Tony get involved in this whole story na? This is between the god of thunder and the man of steel, so there is no way I am supporting that boring kryptonian.
Terdoh: Well, he and the Asgardian are both technically ‘aliens’ so what’s your point? Superman is far from boring.
M.Y: Superman is an alien, Thor is a god, there is no way or where you can compare these two together. Can we get this started already?
M.Y: Haha! Where do I start from?
Terdoh: Thor’s ability to mentally brush his hair?
M.Y: Just be quiet. Is it Thor’s ability to command and control weather, his strength and godlike invulnerability, he speaks all languages (I would kill for that btw), a life force which is waaaay too big to measure, he can travel thorough dimensions as he wills and not to mention his little toy, Mjolnir. Did you see how he used the empire state building as a charger in Avengers?
Terdoh: Err…bro, you practically just described Superman.
M.Y: Say what? *laughs* No freaking way man.
Terdoh: No really, He has super human strength and ‘godlike’ invulnerability, (except to magic and when that bastard Kryptonite is around, and let’s face it, that’s a piece of his home. Don’t tell me Thor isn’t weak when Odin (it’s a piece of his home still, allow it) is around. See how I flipped that around?
M.Y: Super Human strength, true, weakness true, how many? 3 (and counting). Red sun, kryptonite and magic. Thor’s weakness? Hunger and inability to resist a good fight(how cool is that weakness?). Superman literarily becomes a lady whenever he is around any of these three and you can imagine what Thor will do to him at that point in time. So are you not finished?
Terdoh: Nope, that was just one strength. He also speaks all languages (I don’t know if you would also kill for that), his life source is the sun (with a radius of 695,500 km. See? Measurable) and Superman CAN travel through dimensions if he runs fast enough. Did you see how he used entire buildings as weapons in Man of Steel? Hello??
M.Y: Sigh. Let me enlighten you a bit. Thor’s life force is more powerful than that of The Mjolnir (which its ability to absorb energy is so powerful he managed to absorb, contain and redirect the entire energy of the Null Bomb, which was powerful enough to destroy the entire galaxy). Now do you want to compare that with the mere power of the sun and may I mention that Thor can survive the heart of its heat? By the way, Thor has penetrated the heart of “Stars”. Did you see that? I said Stars. Give me a break man and some respect. Thor is way out of your league.
M.Y: Thor has been a god for ages.
Terdoh: So he’s an old man…
M.Y: He has fought gods in battles and led Asgard to battle countless times.
Terdoh: So he’s tired.
M.Y: LOL. He couldn’t have won those battles without a few ideas in that big head of his. He is a genius who has an IQ twice that of the most intelligent humans. So he isn’t your average High school muscle junkie and no brainer, he has got it all.
Terdoh: I agree. But in the late episodes of Superman comics, this dude cured cancer. Okay? He possesses intelligence beyond genius level. Einstein be like “uhmm..what?” And do you know that whenever Superman is getting his tan on in the sun, he becomes even smarter? Everyone’s like “whaaaaat?” right now. Yeah. Kick ass nigga.
M.Y: I got something to let off my chest since I was a child. How does a man disguise by taking off his glasses and no one, not even all the geniuses in all of his Universe sees him for who he really is? They are just plain dumb. Thor’s persona is so hidden, He even dated Jane Foster ad she never figured. (In the Thor movie, the shirt Jane handed Thor when he came in to live with her after hitting him, that’s the shirt of Thor’s alter ego)
Terdoh: Don’t blame Superman for being among the dumb. It’s not his fault the people of Smallville cannot play spot the difference mentally. Abeg abeg…
M.Y: Sigh. You really want to do this? Go to war with Thor?
Terdoh: Not me, Superman. Superman has to deal with stupid humans every day. Surely that counts for something.
M.Y: Oh please, I am just getting started…
Terdoh: Well, when everyone isn’t trying to snatch his girl, Superman is busy putting out fires by yawning, repairing the earth after an earthquake. And have you seen the list of superheroes Superman has had to fight? From Doomsday to General Zod, to Lex freaking Luthor, to Jax-Ur (you should read about this dude)…Supes has a lot of heads in his resume.
M.Y: Yawns. Thor has defeated the Celestials? Heard of them? Naaah I am sure you haven’t. Let’s just say even Odin is scared shitless of these guys. Thor has defeated the hulk and red hulk. We know these guys’ bios, we don’t need to even go there. Thor has defeated The Midgard Serpent(a creature so large it will wrap itself round earth multiple times and crush it without any stress at all). And like we said earlier, this guy is a god, which means he isn’t responsible for just one planet. He is all over the place fighting foes who are even larger than earth.
Terdoh: Look, let’s not forget that Superman has X-Ray vision and doesn’t go around looking at titties all day.
M.Y: Are you sure about that? I bet that guy steals a glance or two once in a while.
Terdoh: I hope you understand how much will power that takes. The man is a hero. A true super-man.
M.Y: That’s not even…Look, Superman’s nemesis is Lex Luthor. Thor’s nemesis is a god called Loki. Heard of him? The god of deceit and cunning? How do you top that?
Terdoh: Am I the only one who finds it kinda gay/incestral that he’s always chasing his brother about? I guess that’s cool with you. If you think Thor > Superman then I guess anything goes. Besides, Thor carries his penis around in the name of a hammer called Mjolnir. That’s why no other man can lift it. Cos no man lifts another man’s penis.
M.Y: Aren’t you going off track again?
Terdoh: Nope. I just proved to the entire world why Superman is better than Thor.
M.Y: What did I even tell all this story for sef, put the damn hammer on Superman’s chest and the battle is done. I am out!
Terdoh: We’re just gonna let the people decide. People, who’s a better superhero? Thor or Superman?
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