[V.S Series] Chuck Norris V.S Chuck Norris

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Terdoh: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today, for another version of the VS series and your boy Zubby and I will be here to attempt (and fail) to entertain you. Okay?

Zubby: Okay.

Terdoh: So our Oga-at-the-Bottom, M.Y, gave us an assignment to find someone to compare to Chuck Norris and create something against this Thursday (today) and Zubby and I have never had a harder task.

Zubby: Ladies and Gentlemen, the only person we could find to compare to Chuck Norris is…

Terdoh: Well…Chuck Norris.

Zubby: So allow us to introduce the newest installation in the Vs series:

Terdoh: We promise it will be fun. Okay? Okay. Let’s get to it…

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Brief Introduction

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Terdoh: *sigh* Where do we begin?

Zubby: Well, first off, Chuck Norris wasn’t born. But you already know this. The Big Bang was Chuck’s first fart, so I don’t know how you want to find his origin…

Terdoh: Everyone knows he raised himself. He lived off fresh air and raindrops for the first 20 years of his life.

Zubby: After which he decided to invent civilization. Along with martial arts, taekwondo and the color blue.

Terdoh: When he was eventually tired of doing the extraordinary…

Zubby: Like catching heat when everyone else was catching a cold…

Terdoh: He would then proceed to pick a career path. Given his fighting skills, he picked acting so people would be like “whaaaat!!” You know, cos everyone expected him to be president, or at least Ambassador of Earth to the other planets or some shit.

Zubby: But Chuck always wanted to make people wonder, so he chose acting. Also because Technicolor was one of his favorite inventions and he liked to see himself in that shiny black box.

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Zubby: Okay, on to the actual debate. Who is better; Chuck Norris or Chuck Norris?

Terdoh: Definitely Chuck Norris.

Zubby: Nope, I say Chuck Norris.

Terdoh: We’re talking about a man who can tango alone here.

Zubby: A man who got bitten by a king cobra but after 5 days of excruciating pain the king cobra died. A man who found a leopard and legitimately changed its spots. I don’t know how you want to compare him to your dude.

Terdoh: Yap yap. Chuck Norris has a shadow in the dark. When he wasn’t saving the world by destroying meteors with his mind or stopping the earth from spinning out of orbit or allowing people to breathe in his air, he was in front of the camera giving us some dope movies.

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Movies

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Zubby: Uhm, I dunno, classics like Missing in Action 1 & 2, Lone wolf McQuade, The Delta Force 1 & 2, Code of Silence, One Riot One Ranger, Hell Bound, Top Dog……. Etc. The list… is endless.

Terdoh: Terminator 1-4, Die Hard 1-4, Universal Soldier, Hard target. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Jean Claude Van Damme, Mr. T, Sylvester Stallone are all Chuck Norris in disguise. But you all also knew this too.

Zubby: A man who auditioned for the series 24 but was dropped after he took out all the bad guys in 1hour. Spending 59 minutes stretching

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Weapons

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Zubby: Weapons…?

Terdoh: You’re joking right? Chuck Norris is definitely better at handling weapons. They were his idea in the first place.

Zubby: Here’s the guy who invented guns to give his enemies the illusion he sought a fair fight.

Terdoh: The only weapon he needs to defend himself is his mind, because even bullets know better than to come close to him.

Zubby: And of course his great hair.

Terdoh: Why do you think Kimmy is afraid to launch those nuclear missiles?

Zubby: The only two weapons Chuck Norris requires to take down an army are his 2 fists (law & order) and his beard.

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Combat Skills

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Terdoh: I know you will say that Chuck Norris would defeat Chuck Norris in a fair fight.

Zubby: That’s the only way out, really…

Terdoh: Look, a fight would mean the other person had a chance of winning. Chuck doesn’t fight.

Zubby: *tears* A blind assassin once ran into Chuck Norris trying to do him in and all he saw was a white light. May his soul rest in peace.

Terdoh: Oh please. Chuck fought the Vietnam war all by himself, beating off niggas with one hand while he was deleting other people’s tweets with the other.

Zubby: Chuck Norris once kicked a man so hard his leg broke the speed of light, went back in time and killed Adolf Hitler to end World War 2.

Terdoh: Yo Chuck gave a Ghanaian a black eye. It doesn’t get more badass than that.

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P.S.: This V.S. Series was orginally Vin Diesel vs. Chuck Norris. But Vin Diesel called and asked to be dropped. No one is stupid enough to compare himself with Chuck Norris.