[Movie Review] The Worst Movies Of 2013. Part 2. #Dissathon #SodasAndPopcornYearInReview

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M.Y: Yo.. What’s up peeps. We are back today to finally, finally round this off. We began the Worst Movies of 2013 post yesterday and if you haven’t read it, please find the link here . So we bring you the second and concluding part of the list today and draw the curtains.

Tobi: Sniffs. No, I wont cry, I will be a man. Anyways, so like we said yesterday, seriously, take no offense. Its your fault your movie. We are only doing public service by letting the public know what we feel is the truth. So, off we go.

 

House Of Gold.

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M.Y: And then there was House Of Gold. *Smiles* My personal Nollywood favorite worst of the year.

Tobi: Hehe, I am sure glad I didnt see this one, so over to you also bro. *Tongue out*

This movie was so bad, it ruined my day. So what exactly was wrong with it? Everything! Right from the story to its acting. And when bad story meets bad acting, then there is nothing the visuals can do to save the movie. There was supposed to be a premise which the movie should have fulfilled, but the screenwriters probably forgot while admiring Yvonne’s legs I guess. Hey don’t blame them, I would too. Then we had to round the movie off with Majid’s horrible Yes We Can speech which couldn’t have shown a more forced emotionless “emotional” moment. Sigh. I just realized, I am still pissed. Moving On.

 

Getaway:

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Tobi: Sigh. This movie could have easily been a great watch.

M.Y: Hey yah

Tobi: It borrowed some elements of “Fast and Furious”, “Taken” and “Saw”. However, whoever was responsible for the story had no idea how to fuse all these together and make a great story. The result was a terrible story and incoherent action. It felt a lot like a (very) cheap “Fast and Furious” knock off.

M.Y: I feel this movie was the Screenwriters and director’s excuse for seeing expensive cars burn. There couldn’t have been a better reason.

 

Percy Jackson and the sea of monsters:

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M.Y: I saw this one sha….I kinda liked it, I still know its bad though, but it gave me guilty pleasure. *covers face*

Tobi: A big shoutout to my friend who took me to see this movie on his birthday. I’m still trying to convince him he did not waste his money.

M.Y: Hahaha. Poor dude.

Tobi: Really, Percy Jackson and the golden fleece would have been a better title for this movie. When I heard sea of monsters, I assumed a lot of the action was going to involve several sea monsters. I was disappointed.

M.Y: Same thing Terdoh and Kiki said. the story was as terrible as the acting. Admitted, they were a few funny scenes with the three witches, but the movie stank with predictability and a terrible story.

Tobi: I think Hollywood needs to realize that people are no longer interested in “supernatural teenagers”. We want to watch more of real teenagers going through real life teenage problems. Something like Perks of being a wall flower.

 

Lone Ranger & Wolverine 

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M.Y: Lone Ranger was one of two movies that  broke my heart this year. The other being The horrible wolverine.

Tobi: I honestly feel the first Wolverine was better than this crap.

M.Y: This was the very first time I slept off in a theater. I woke up and alas, the two babes beside me had taken turns. The movie was a terrible drag.

Tobi: It started out well but just never took off.

M.Y: In the end, it was one of the worst super hero movies I had seen. Hugh Jackman owes me big time. So back to Lone Ranger

Tobi: Lone ranger was looonnnggg, boring, and confused. The story didn’t know what it wanted to do. So many themes were raised and never visited till the movie ended and left the movie with a very mixed taste in my mouth.

 

Beautiful Creatures & Mortal Instruments

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Tobi: One way to describe Beautiful Creatures is “Bloody Twilight wanna be”.

M.Y: I guess that explains its failure. I won’t even dwell on this much but just say Its was boring, horribly written and the actors looked like they needed the pay cheque desperately.   Mortal instruments which wasn’t very different in plot from this movie. I started watching Mortal Instruments about a month ago and haven’t concluded it since then. And I have no intentions of concluding it anytime soon.

 

G.I Joe: Retaliation and A Good Day To Die Hard

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Tobi: Considering how good I thought the first was, the expectation for G.I Joe: Retaliation was was quite high. I was really disappointed. So much so that my brain has come to the rescue, and blocked the memory. As I am writing this, I really cannot remember a thing from the movie. Not even the storyline. All I remember is how disappointed I felt after watching it.

M.Y: Dont worry, I remember very well. Let me remind you. Bruce Willis’ second horrible movie of the year. First being something about dying hard. And then this which was….wait, wow, I really don’t remember also. Damn, it had to be that bad. Well moving on to A Good Day to Die Hard.

Tobi: Sigh. All we can say is, its time for John McClane to retire. His glory days are long gone. Atleast there is John McClane Jr.

M.Y: Lets just hand the role to Dwayne Rock Johnson shall we? instead of the passable acting of Jai Courtney. Atleast, we expect no brains in any movie we are to see him in, that way, we wont feel too disappointed.

Weekend Getaway

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M.Y: *Don Jazzy’s Why Me Beat* Its Royal Arts Academy Productions Again

Tobi: Another very forgettable and tasteless movie.

M.Y: All  I can remember is Genevieve’s horrible kicks and of course Alex Ekubo’s whose acting made me laugh, in the negative way of course. I am definitely glad the man’s acting has improved the last time I saw him in Lagos Cougars. Speaking of Lagos Cougars, Danielle Okeke’s performance was one of the worst I saw this year.

 

My Life My Damage

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M.Y: First of all, this movie ran for 50 minutes. 50 minutes of pain, 50 minutes and you will literately watch your money burn.

Tobi: It wasn’t different from what a bunch of kids could have written while on 30 minutes break in the playing grounds

M.Y: And then Tonto Dikeh’s acting was even worse than her singing in this movie. Thank God a sequel is not in the works. It means, we won’t get to see the movie ever again.

 

Tobi: So ladies and gentlemen, there you have our list of the worst movies of 2013.

M.Y: It also marks the end of our #YearInReview series. If we say we should continue, we won’t stop, so make we just stop like this.

Tobi: We hope you enjoyed our article more than we enjoyed these movies.

M.Y: I’m sure they did. Please, stay tuned for more interesting things from us this year. Trust me when I say we got really big things coming your way.

Tobi: Thank you for the love and support, and Happy New Year once again.