[Movie Review] The Worst Movies Of 2013. Part 1. #Dissathon #SodasAndPopcornYearInReview

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M.Y: Well, I did say 2013 wasn’t gonna be better than 2012 and even with that, I am still not happy about how the year turned out. But hey, I am not saying its been a bad year, but then 2012 rules.

Tobi: Its the first part of our last in the series of 2013 Year In Review series and I must say, it has been a lot of fun and damn stressful.

M.Y: You can definitely say that again. To read all the reviews in the series, visit this links at the end of this review and I am sure you wont regret it. That said, we have come to my favorite post of the year. Not because it is the best, but its the post where I am not allowed to be nice one bit. Its The Worst Movies Of 2013. *Evil laughter*

Tobi: Apologies in advance if your movie is on this list and you read some offensive things which won’t go down well with you. No hard feelings, its just that you made a horrible movie which cost us some valuable resources and we are just pissed.

M.Y: Okay, so here we go. And heads up, its a rant, so expect us to go on and on and let out our pain. Hope you enjoy this folks. *Evil grin*

The Host: 

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Tobi: First movie we have is The Host: Another adaptation of poor Stephanie Meyer whose novels have probably never had a good adaptation. Remember the international best seller Twlight? Yeah, she wrote that too.

M.Y: If you are one of those who was unfortunate enough to have paid to see this movie,then my sincere condolences for the waste of time and money. Gush I so hated this movie.

Tobi: Unfortunately, as a big fan of the book by Stephanie Meyer, I was very excited to see the movie. I thought the book was the best work of fiction I read in 2012, so naturally, a lot was expected of the movie.

M.Y: Hey yah, poor you. Unfortunately, you know when expectations are high, results can easily be disappointing, but they shouldn’t be as bad as this movie. If I were to rate this movie over 10, I’m pretty sure it can’t get up to 3. It was that bad.

Tobi: The only good thing about the movie was the lead actress.

M.Y: Wait, there was a good thing about this movie?

Tobi: LOL…Yeah, she did try her best to bring life to a bad production, but there’s a limit to which even talent can go. Fortunately though, there are no plans for a sequel (even though the book is likely to have two more).

M.Y: A big amen to that.

After Earth:

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Tobi: Next We got After Earth:

M.Y: LOL. M Night Shy Amala should just retire already or better still go to Bollywood, he might just have better luck there. Anyways, the movie featured the Smiths teaming up again since Pursuit Of Happyness.

Tobi: “The pursuit of Happyness” was a great movie. It showed us father and son could have a real connection on set. After Earth on the other hand,  is just the direct opposite. The story had very little suspense or even creativity. Like one critic wrote, the story is, “…as thin as a minor episode of Star Trek”.

M.Y: Ouch. That gotta hurt. One quick question, why did the eagle save Jaden, and like one of our contributors John Doe spotted, “why use glorified cutlasses in the distant future when we can use laser guns” or probably one of those funny sounding weapons from sci-fi flicks like plasma ray dispersion gun or whatever to do the trick?

Tobi: Really? plasma ray dispersion gun? The best you could come up with?

M.Y: Hey, its the worst movies of the year, I aint got time for thinking for these guys.

Tobi: Sigh. So Father and son are trapped on a post apocalyptic Earth, and son must travel through the tundra to get what they need to power their ship back home. Like really? Could the story have been any weaker or predictable?

M.Y: Nope, it can’t get worse than that.

Tobi: Anyways, the movie would only serve as a blip on Will Smith’s otherwise impressive filmography. As for Jaden Smith, I’m sure he has a long and fruitful career ahead of him, so I don’t think “After Earth” would do much damage.

M.Y: I hope so, on second thoughts, what do I care.

 Oz The Great And Powerful

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M.Y: Like seriously, you decide to take on a classic like Wizard Of Oz and you didn’t feel you owed it to not only to yourself, but the entire movie universe not to be the guy that people go, “hey! There goes the guy who made the Oz movie that oozed so badly”. Damn you Sam Raimi.

Tobi: Oz the great was in no imaginable way great, oh except for the fact that it was a great failure (not box office wise though. It reigned supreme there as shown in our Top 10 Box Office Movies Of 2013)

M.Y: It had James Franco cast as Oz (yeah they did that) and that alone made the movie a snooze feast. I didn’t enjoy this movie one bit but waited to the end to see how it was going to close. #Regrets. I shouldn’t have.

Scary Movie 5:

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M.Y: Why do you people still watch the Scary Movies? I gladly didnt see this one, so over to you tobi.

Tobi: Have you ever seen a movie and five minutes in you are no longer interested, and beat yourself up, cos u feel your IQ just dropped by 30 points? That’s how I felt when I saw Scary movie 5.

I think the fact that the movie was supposed to be funny even made matters worse. It was a very cheap and failed attempt at comedy.

Over the years, I’ve enjoyed the Scary movie franchise. The only one I thought was bad was the fourth one, but even that, it wasn’t until I finished watching it I realized how it was not as good as the other ones.

I sincerely hope there isn’t going to be another Scary Movie. I’m sure the world has had enough of the parody franchise.

M.Y: Bro, I am sure there will be another. So brace yourself people. Well, seeing how many bad movies were released last year, one review wouldn’t be enough, so please join us tomorrow when we round this up and draw the curtains on the series.

Tobi: Just admit bro, you dont want the series to come to an end. Anyways, for other reviews in the series, check out their links below. Thank you!

M.Y: We are pretty sure you all saw some really bad movies last year, so feel free to talk about it

10 Most Anticipated Movies Of 2014.  

Top 10 Action Movie Characters Of 2013 

Top 7 Nollywood Movies Trailers 2013 

Top 10 Nollywood Movies Of 2013 

Top 10 Hollywood Movies Of 2013 

Top 10 Worldwide Highest Grossing Movies Of 2013 

 

 

 

1 COMMENT

  1. Long movie, but worth every minute. What i like most is the unforced humor..the easy lines and expressions you could miss.

    Even as much as Jamie played the serious character, I couldn’t get over his funny face. gets me everytime..

    Samuel Jackson freaked me the fuck out fam, *shudders*

  2. The movie was pretty damn good, yo. Waltz certainly deserves that nomination. Creepy old bastard Samuel was and that K.K.K bit was hilarious! THREE times, Terdoh??? Can’t watch the movie again for at least another year!

  3. Going to c this movie…now….+ M.Y u c without even voting it got sodas, popcorn n hotdog…if I hear say loopeer na d best movie again…mtchewwwww…anyways….gr8 job

  4. Where’s my comment.. I was the first here…. Will just repeat it.
    They gave me my favourite movie phrase ever ‘I LIKE THE WAY YOU DIE BOY.’ by Django himself.. The phrase managed to beat ‘PUNY GOD’ by Hulk in Avengers and ‘SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIENDS’ by Tony Montana in scarface….. Samuel L Jackson was intentinally made to portray the part of uncle ruckus… In all, the movie is the best 2hr 45 min movie ever… i wonder how many movies are 2hrs 45mins…. Mbytes I will never regret.

    • OMG, I was sad when I finished with the review and forgot that I didn’t add those lines. Sick. L. Jackson needs to really try hard to make me like him again. Errr Hobbits is another 2hr 45mins movie I loved. Cloud Atlas too

  5. This review prepared my mind for the violence and gory scenes in the movie. Thanks guys *wipping forehead* Not a bad movie *thumps up* My best part is the theme song when they singer shouts ‘DJANGOOOO’! *shinning teeth*

  6. <3 d this movie to bits! The fact that it was not yet in the cinemas as of the time your review was written&almost all movie websites had it already is almost painful! I just hope it doesn't affect it at box office. Although most people now think tarantino's racist, this isn't the first film i've heard a white use the term nigga. Besides, in the era the film was set, i beleive it is very appropriate. <3 d your review of it&agree with you on many things apart from the fact that you dared to practically call prometheus one of the best movies of 2012! Seriously? That movie was the biggest disappointment of 2012 that i was so pissed that Charlize had to involve herself in that pretentious, dumb, pile of trash of a movie.

    • Blacks love Tarantino for this movie. Whoever is calling him a racist(I know Spike Lee will be top of the list) should go see the movie again. Every white man that used the nigga word in the movie got wipped off, so whats better than that?

  7. White Boys being slaughtered. Awesome dialogues, “I love the way you die boy”. Christoph Waltz was just fucking awesome in this flick. Then the small fact that Terdoh liked a Rick Ross song. This movie rocks.

  8. Awesome review men… Loved d movie. Er just wanted to put 1 thing straight, Jerry Bruckheimer is the director who blows things up while Spielberg leaves u wowed….

    Ama review this film later.

    • Spielberg doesn’t always blow things up. He is kinda versatile. Michael Bay and J.J Abrams are the lords of explosions. Jerry Bruckheimer is not a director, he is a producer and he has a part to play in most hollywood projects anyways. His resume is endless.

      • Very true. Tho Abrams tends towards sci-fi a lot. Reason i mentioned Jerry was that there’s no movie he’s involved in that things don’t get blown… Nice to discuss with strong minds… 😀

        Watz ur twitter ID?

  9. This movie made me make some life altering decisions.
    1.) Learn German.
    2.) grow a beard
    3.) Name my first daughter Brunhilda…(it’s actually Brunhilde and not Broomhilda)
    4.)Learn German BECAUSE of Dr. Schultz.

    Nuff said