[Movie Review] Its official! 'Lone Ranger' Featuring Johnny Depp Is Unfortunately A #Dissathon Folks.

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Director: Gore Verbinski (Rango, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the black pearl)

Writers: Screen Story and Screenplay by Ted Elliott, Justin Haythe and Terry Rossio.

Stars: Johnny Depp(Rango, Pirates Of the Caribbean), Armie Hammer(J.Edger and Social Network), William Fichtner(The Dark Knight, Crash), Tom Wilkinson (Batman Begins, Michael Clayton)

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Synopsis

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Terdoh: The Lone Ranger is a thrilling adventure infused with action and humour, in which the famed masked hero is brought to life through new eyes.

M.Y: Native American spirit warrior Tonto (Johnny Depp) recounts the untold tales that transformed John Reid (Armie Hammer), a man of the law, into a legend of justice-taking the audience on a runaway train of epic surprises and humorous friction as the two unlikely heroes must learn to work together and fight against greed and corruption. C. Disney

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The Script

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M.Y: While myself and Terdoh were discussing the script of this movie before the review, we discovered we took more questions away from this movie than anything else it set out to deliver. I don’t even know where to start from. But first let’s take a look at the team who brought us this movie.

Terdoh: Well, practically everyone from the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise returns for this project with the addition of Justin Haythe who is most notable for Leonardo Dicaprio and Kate Winslet team up since Titanic in Revolutionary Road

M.Y: His other writing job is Dwayne Johnson’s 2013 movie Snitch which in my opinion is his most challenging being that he basically couldn’t flex any rocky muscles in this one and he was pretty good if I may add.

Terdoh: I still haven’t watched that movie. *opens kat.ph*

M.Y: LOL, you should. Anyways having analyzing the team, I think we can go ahead and let the burden off our chests. Lone Ranger had more questions than its impressive CGI, underwhelming action, disjoint story and horrible rip off of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise had to answer.

Terdoh: Yes, we are really pissed. You watch this movie the first time you’re like “uhmm…okay?” You watch it a second time and you have more questions than a 3 year old just learning about the world.

M.Y: Why was there no clear explanation to Dan, John and Rebecca’s relationship? Yeah we know John loved Rebecca and all that, but you don’t leave us to figure such things out for ourselves. That’s just plain laziness on your parts.

Terdoh: How would you explain a derailed train that upon impact with the ground shattered its steel carriage into a few pieces have two men(made of flesh by the way) surviving been thrown off the train about 100 feet (if not more) in the air without scratches on them? Are they the Avengers?

M.Y: Abi. Help me ask them O. How can a man get pulled off a train at an outrageous speed, land on the desert grounds, get trampled by horses and survive with just a broken arm and of what importance was he to the movie because any other character in the movie could have carried on his folly.

Terdoh: Why hadn’t John Reid fired a weapon in 9 years? Did it have anything to do with his father; did he have a fight with his brother? Or did it have something to do with Rebecca?

M.Y: John Reid saw a vision of himself as a reflection of the cannibal Butch played by William Fichtner, the writers never returned to that till the credits started rolling.

Terdoh: In the flashback scenes some years back when Tonto was still a boy, why were the characters of Butch Cavendish and Latham Cole played by totally different men who bore no resemblance whatsoever with both men some years later down the line played by William Fichtner and Tom Wilkinson. Did they have surgery?

M.Y: Sigh. I guess these questions explain how good the story was. Lone Ranger had a solid start but it turned out to be a two and a half hour movie which wasn’t worth half the time spent watching it. The writers got confused at all the themes they had raised and didn’t know which to follow and just decided to end it someway. This is perhaps the laziest movie I have ever seen.

Terdoh: At least 15 to 20 minutes of that time could have been spent building a back-story to explain the lives of the Reids. This is an awful script. It was a disappointment in every way imaginable. Nollywood must have written it.

M.Y: This may be a bit off, but I gotta ask. What was with the eye matching blue scarf by the way? Everyone pretty much saying the same thing and treating the woman like she had a disease or something.

Terdoh: When dialogue no dey, they have to cook something up na.

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The Directing

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M.Y: Director Gore obviously wanted to feed off the success of Pirates of the Caribbean by replacing ships with trains and pirates with outlaws, but this ended up being a bigger mess than On Stranger Tides.

Terdoh: If Lone Ranger has plans of a sequel as the end of the movie strongly suggests, I believe a lot of loopholes in the first part need to be filled else it would only end up being a box office disaster like the first which has hardly gotten back its budget.

M.Y: The soundtrack used in some scenes like the train battle/chase (whatever it may be called) towards the end of the movie felt totally out of place to me.

Terdoh: My verdict of the directing of this movie by Gore? It’s more of a miss than a hit. This feels like a rushed work of someone who had his job on the line and was far behind schedule.

M.Y: I hope he stills has the job after this.

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The Acting

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M.Y: The actors did their best to help this movie, but there was very little they could do.

Terdoh: Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow, oh sorry Tonto was funny and clever(as always)

M.Y: Armie Hammer’s depiction of the Lone Ranger needs more work as the character isn’t fully developed yet in my opinion. Everyone else pretty much did well also.

Terdoh: The acting was the best part of the movie, that I must admit.

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Our Verdict.

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M.Y: This movie left a horrible taste in my mouth. The only reason I finished it was this review. It had a badly written story which to me is the foundation of a good movie.

Terdoh: If you don’t have a story to tell, then there is no reason to listen to you.

M.Y: That said, We hereby award thee Popcorn and water. So have you seen the movie? What do you think about it? Do drop your comments below. Thanks.