As soon as I heard the news that Ben Affleck was going to be cast as Batman in the 2015 film, “Batman vs. Superman”, I was stunned as I’m sure the rest of the world was. But like a good Christian, I have patiently waited to hear some good news about the movie, but none seems to be forthcoming so here we are today ranting the pain away.
Here are 10 reasons why the upcoming Batman film is going to suck.
1. He Starred in the Worst Super Hero Movie Of All Time
Everyone remembers this gem of a movie right? Well maybe not many people saw it and lucky you because it was that bad. I have one rule, once you strike out as a super hero, you should be immediately banned from ever returning to the super hero genre again. Especially a character as beloved as Batman.
2. He’s Not Directing
The only decent films Affleck has starred in have been films he had directed himself. We know Ben, you have control issues. I must give Affleck credit as a director though. Argo and the Town are well directed films. Unfortunately, we’re going to have to rely on Mr. Affleck’s acting abilities on this one.
3. He Gave The World The Tragedy Called “Gigli”
Affleck as well as his ex-wife Jennifer Lopez were in the worst movie of all time, Gigli. People till this day have not gotten over that film. The movie scored a 6% rating from Rotten Tomatoes. Need we say more?
4.He Doesn’t Have Batman’s Chin
One of the most iconic things about the Batman character is his chin. He doesn’t have the right chin for the mask. I don’t care what anyone says. I’m sorry, Bruce Wayne and Batman do not have a cleft-chin. End of discussion.
5. We’re Pretty Sure the Joker set this whole thing up
He’s an evil genius he’s had this ploy all along.
6. Affleck is Friends With George Clooney
Ben Affleck is friends with George Clooney, the worst Batman of all time. That’s guilt by association.
7. Gotham City is not Set in Boston
Most of the movies Affleck has starred in have been set in Boston. If I hear Batman with a Boston accent, I’m going to be very very upset.
8. Matt Damon is not Playing Robin
Affleck’s good friend and trusted fellow co-star Matt Damon will not be acting alongside the caped crusader in this installment. Damon usually balances out Affleck’s bad acting in these situations. Let’s hope it’s mostly Batman and not Bruce Wayne for the sake of the viewers.
9. Christopher Nolan is not directing
Good Ol’ Chris really took the recent Batman films to a new level when he took over as the director of the recent Dark Knight trilogy. Zack Snyder who was criticized for his direction of the film “Man of Steel” (even though the movie was awesome regardless) has been given the green light to direct the next film. Let’s face it how hard is it to sell a ribbed man in spandex wearing mostly red and blue? It’s a whole different level of grace to sell a clift-chinned guy in black and yellow.
10. Mark Zuckerberg is the villain!
Talk about saving the worst for last.
Jesse Eisenberg has been cast to play the villain “Lex Luthor” in the next film. Great casting call guys! This guy really just oozes villain to me! I have a great idea though. I think they should cast a new casting director for the film. Problem solved!
Well, anyway remind me to miss this film.
There’s one good thing about Affleck’s casting though: